Looking for help in your family court proceedings?Bridge The Gap is a free, community-built guide to UK family court, written by litigants and McKenzie Friends, for litigants. Real observations, plain English, and people who can help..
A voluntary process where an independent mediator helps you and your former partner reach agreement without going to court. It's often encouraged before applying to court.
In Plain English
This is a way to settle your disagreements by talking them through with a neutral person called a mediator. The goal is to reach an agreement together so you don't have to let a judge decide for you.
This content reflects observational insights and lived community experiences. It does not constitute legal advice — always consult a qualified professional for your specific circumstances.
A "gap" is a common assumption people hold going into family court, set against what the court actually does. The bold line below is the assumption — not a fact. The reality underneath is what the court typically observes.
Gap #568
The assumption
There is a legal duty to negotiate, so if I do not agree to anything I will be punished.
The reality
There is no legal duty to negotiate or to agree. What the rules do is expect real engagement. The court must consider non-court dispute resolution, such as mediation, at every stage, and can pause a case so the parties can try it. The pressure comes through costs. If someone fails, without good reason, to attend a MIAM or non-court dispute resolution, the judge can take that into account when deciding whether to make a costs order. Attending and considering a proposal is not the same as having to accept it.
Gap #562
The assumption
He started the divorce, so he should have to pay for both of us to attend the MIAM.
The reality
The family court rules do not let one person require the other to pay their MIAM fee. Each person normally pays for their own meeting, unless legal aid applies, in which case the MIAM is free. Who applied for the divorce makes no difference. One person can choose to pay for both, but the other cannot make them. The £500 government mediation voucher cannot be used towards a MIAM. It only helps with the mediation sessions that come after, where the case is eligible.
Gap #261
The assumption
If I contact a family lawyer, I'll have to commit to getting divorced right away.
The reality
Getting advice is not the same as starting the process. Many people who contact a family lawyer are looking for information and options, not a divorce, and a good number decide not to proceed at all once they understand their situation better. There are also routes short of divorce, such as couples counselling or mediation, that a lawyer can point you toward.
Gap #246
The assumption
Mediation is something I can use as leverage, or ignore, with no consequences either way.
The reality
Since April 2024, parties are under a strengthened duty to consider non-court dispute resolution at every stage. The court can adjourn proceedings to allow it, and a party who won't engage without good reason risks a costs order. It cuts both ways.
Navigating court alone?
A McKenzie Friend can help you understand terms like these in the context of your case.
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