What is a McKenzie Friend?

A McKenzie Friend is a person who supports a litigant in person in court by taking notes, helping with paperwork and offering practical and moral support. They are not a solicitor and do not provide legal representation unless the court grants additional rights.

Can I go to family court without a solicitor?

Yes. Many people represent themselves in UK family court as litigants in person. Bridge The Gap shares community observations and resources to help you understand the process. It does not provide legal advice.

What is Bridge The Gap?

Bridge The Gap is a community-built platform by litigants and McKenzie Friends that highlights the gaps between what people assume about family court and what actually happens.

Child Arrangements in Family Court

Looking for help in your family court proceedings?Bridge The Gap is a free, community-built guide to UK family court, written by litigants and McKenzie Friends, for litigants. Real observations, plain English, and people who can help.

Start here About the site

Guided Explorer

👶

Subject Guide

Child Arrangements in Family Court

When children are involved, the stakes feel impossibly high. These are community-shared observations on what the court commonly prioritises — not prescriptive guidance.

Want support with this?

A McKenzie Friend can help you navigate child arrangements in family court.

Cookies

We use essential cookies only, such as remembering this choice and keeping you signed in. If we add analytics cookies in the future, we will ask first. Read our Privacy Policy.

Child Arrangements in Family Court

Assumption: Outcome Expectation Gap

Assumption: My ex has to follow the child arrangements order. If they don't, the court will automatically enforce it.

Assumption: I have a solicitor appointment about my children. I will explain everything my ex has done and they will sort it out.

Assumption: The other parent verbally agreed to pay half the nursery fees but is now refusing. Can I enforce that?

Assumption: I asked for one weekend a month without the child so I can manage everything and have a break. He refused. Does the court care about the primary carer having respite?

Assumption: The other parent wants midweek overnight stays — collecting the child, putting them to bed late, and returning them first thing. My child has autism and needs routine. Is this appropriate?

Assumption: My ex has introduced a new partner to my child without telling me. My child has autism and does not do well with strangers or change. Can I stop this?

Assumption: Contact just means visiting my child, does it not?

Assumption: Residence means who the child lives with — so if I do not have residence, I have no say.

Assumption: I need a custody order — that is what I have to apply for.

Assumption: Parental responsibility means who has the child or who is the guardian.

Assumption: The Section 7 report will decide who the child lives with.

Assumption: Cafcass is on one parent's side — or the court's side.

Assumption: In the best interests of the child means what the child says they want.

Assumption: If I keep asking what they want, we'll reach agreement.

Assumption: Child benefit automatically goes to the primary carer — the other parent cannot block access to it.

Assumption: If I tell the truth and explain how much I love my child, the court will understand.

Assumption: I will just explain how much I have been involved and show the court the messages. That will speak for itself.

Assumption: I need to make sure the court knows everything the other parent has done wrong.

Assumption: I am scared and angry — I just need to get into court and say how I feel.

Assumption: I do not need to prepare for the Cafcass safeguarding call — I will just answer their questions honestly.

Assumption: I gave up work and ran the home. That is a contribution. The court will treat it as 50/50.

Assumption: I don't need anyone's permission to take my child on holiday. I'm their parent.

Assumption: The order says the child lives with me. That means I can take them on holiday without asking.

Assumption: They won't let me take the children on holiday. They're just doing it out of spite. There's nothing I can do.

Assumption: I don't have to agree to anything. If they want to take the children on holiday they can ask and I'll just say no.

Assumption: "If we write it down and both sign, the court will approve it."

Assumption: "The Cafcass parenting plan is a court form I have to file."

Assumption: I need an expert witness to read our messages and tell the court who the abuser is. That's the only way the judge will understand what's really happening.

Assumption: My child is over 10 and wants 50/50 — but I know that isn't right for them. Will the court listen to me?

Assumption: The safeguarding concerns are real — keeping the children away protects them. Won't the court understand?

Assumption: My ex has moved away with the children — can I force them to come back?

Assumption: The Cafcass report is wrong — I need to make sure the court knows exactly how I feel about it.

Assumption: The children are old enough to pass on a message to my ex — is that okay?

Assumption: I'll have to go to court to get divorced — it's going to be a long, stressful process in front of a judge.

Assumption: My court directions give me a specific date for filing/exchanging so why does the other side miss deadlines and why doesn’t it matter once I get to court

Assumption: If I can prove my ex is a narcissist or is alienating the children, the court will rule in my favour

Assumption: We lived together for years before getting married — we have the same rights as a married couple.

Assumption: My ex has taken the children abroad and won't bring them back — there's nothing I can do now it's happened.

Assumption: We both have jobs so income needs aren't really a dispute.

Assumption: It'll just be split 50/50 — that's what always happens.

Assumption: When I apply to court, I'll get to attend the first hearing and tell the judge what's been happening.

Assumption: If we can't agree on arrangements for the children, court is the only option.

Assumption: Once I'm in the court process, I have to see it through to a final hearing.

Assumption: Having lawyers involved just makes family court cases more adversarial and drags things out.

Assumption: I have genuine safeguarding concerns but if I pause contact I will get into trouble with the judge for breaking the court order.

Assumption: If I can prove the other parent is failing, the court will rule in my favour.

Assumption: Having equal parental responsibility means I have the right to change where my child lives.

Assumption: The MIAM is just a box to tick before I can go to court.

Assumption: A McKenzie Friend can help with any court matter — including small claims mediation — and can provide free legal advice.

Assumption: I can thank my McKenzie Friend publicly on social media using my real name — it's harmless and helps them get more clients.

Assumption: regarding the new government consultation "Any child in the house triggers an instant claim — even my partner's kids"

Assumption: The law says both parents have a right to see their child, so the court can't just refuse contact.

Assumption: Grandparents have automatic rights to see their grandchildren, so the court can't keep them apart.

Assumption: I've waited long enough, so the court has to give me contact now.

Assumption: All McKenzie Friends are the same.

Assumption: I have been living with my partner for 15 years, we haven't got any children. Surely under law I am now his common-law wife, which means I will therefore be entitled to the same rights as a married woman?

Assumption: I have been living with my partner for 15 years and we have children. Surely under law I am now his common-law wife, which means I will therefore be entitled to the same rights as a married woman?

Assumption: I've been the parent who has stayed at home and looked after the children, so I deserve to have a lives-with order made for me with an unequal sharing of contact. It shouldn't be 50/50.

Assumption: If no findings of fact are found, I will automatically be allowed to start seeing the children.

Assumption: Criminal court and family court both work on the same principle of beyond reasonable doubt.

Assumption: If I get legal aid for financial remedy proceedings, it works in the same way as legal aid for child arrangements.

Assumption: An alcohol test is always definitive.

Assumption: I can ask the family court to help me with my child maintenance claim.

Assumption: I'm allowed to take my child abroad for a holiday without the consent of the other parent.

Assumption: If I put the house in trust for my children, the court cannot order it to be sold.

Assumption: Once my divorce is final, I can remarry straight away and sort out the finances with my ex later.

Assumption: The government has scrapped the presumption of parental involvement, so the court no longer presumes my involvement is good for my child.

Assumption: I'm on the birth certificate, so I'm legally the father — DNA doesn't change that.

Assumption: Any expert I bring to court will be accepted — a therapist, counsellor, or support worker can give evidence as long as they know about the subject.

Assumption: Grandparents have automatic rights to their grandchildren because they're family.

Assumption: We moved abroad years ago, so I cannot get divorced in England — I am stuck with whatever the foreign court decides.

Assumption: The court will always keep contact going between my child and their other parent — that's the child's right, no matter what happened between us.

Assumption: If I use the Child Maintenance Service, they'll make sure my ex pays — that's their job and they'll enforce it.

Assumption: I cannot be ordered to pay costs in children proceedings — that only happens in financial cases.

Assumption: If I've experienced domestic abuse, going through the court process means reliving it, unprotected, facing my abuser directly.

Assumption: A child can just refuse to see a parent, or has no say at all, depending on their age.

Assumption: A parent can arrange for someone else to have parental responsibility if something happens to them, just by agreement.

Assumption: I can raise safeguarding concerns to stop contact, and it won't matter if I've allowed similar risks elsewhere.