What You Think Is Happening vs What's Actually Happening

<p>Family court is unfamiliar territory for almost everyone who ends up in it. That unfamiliarity fills the gaps with assumptions, and assumptions are where things go wrong. Here's what people commonly think, set against what's actually true.</p> <h3>You think: "My McKenzie Friend or solicitor is running my case."</h3> <p>The reality: They are running one case out of many, at the same time as everyone else on their books. You are running one. Yours. They advise, draft, and flag. The decisions, and the responsibility for them, stay with you.</p> <h3>You think: "Once I've instructed someone, I can stop reading the paperwork closely."</h3> <p>The reality: Nobody reads your documents as carefully as you should. A solicitor drafts from what you tell them. A McKenzie Friend flags what they spot. If something is wrong, incomplete, or missing, it's still your name on it.</p> <h3>You think: "A McKenzie Friend can speak for me in court like a solicitor or barrister would."</h3> <p>The reality: In most cases, a McKenzie Friend supports you quietly, takes notes, helps you organise your points, and gives you advice in the room. They cannot conduct the litigation or address the court on your behalf without the court's specific permission. Knowing this in advance avoids confusion on the day.</p> <h3>You think: "If I disagree with advice, I should just go along with it to keep things simple."</h3> <p>The reality: Silence gets read as agreement. If you don't understand something or disagree with an approach, say so early. A good adviser wants that conversation, not a client who nods and hopes.</p> <h3>You think: "The court will remember the context of my case."</h3> <p>The reality: The court works from what's on the file. Verbal history, prior conversations, things you assumed were "on record" because you said them once, none of that carries weight unless it's written down and filed properly.</p> <h3>You think: "An order and a direction are basically the same thing."</h3> <p>The reality: An order is the court's decision. A direction tells you what to do before the next hearing, such as filing a statement or disclosing something by a set date. Treat every direction as a real deadline. Courts do not treat missed ones as informal.</p> <h3>You think: "If things go wrong, I can say my solicitor or McKenzie Friend was handling it."</h3> <p>The reality: The court holds you to the orders made against your name, not against theirs. Good representation should keep you informed and involved, not do your thinking for you.</p> <p>Closing this gap starts with one shift: treat your case as yours to run, with support around you, not support running it for you. That's what independent McKenzie Friends and solicitors are for, and it's also where you'll find one who fits how you want to work.</p> <p><em>This post is general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Always check your own case's specific requirements and deadlines.</em></p>